What I want.
Why do I always have such a hell of a time making up my mind? Especially when other persons are involved? I want the best for all, and in doing such, sometimes it’s just better to let things flow instead of taking a stand. …but that’s only buying time until I careen into that inherent crossroad where I am going to have to choose. That crossroad is creeping up on me faster and faster. I’ve only one week left. Mulling it over, considering all outcomes, feeling confidant, feeling irresolute, feeling like I got nowhere. Can’t somebody just decide this for me?
Do I follow my head or my heart? My past or my future? I’ve never been in a situation this delicate before, and I hope that this will be my last. Maybe I’m just scared at putting my heart out there again since last time it was pulverized and made into a pâté. One possible solution is to not get emotionally involved in the first place. I could just run away from it all and pretend it never happened. Denial. I’m pretty good at that.
I wish relationships were just as easy and fun as they were when I was in elementary. “Dear Joey, I like you. Do you like me? Please check one of the boxes below: [Yes or No]” It was always so simple. So pure. So uncluttered. The big question was if you were going to [gasp!] hold hands. Nowadays, there’s past relationship baggage, birth control pills, STDs, dysfunctional families, substance abuse, jobs and bills, low self-esteem, conflicting values, expectations to live up to, their pet’s jealousy to compete with, dreams to build, and hearts to break. Where’s Joe Bazoki when I need him?
Please don’t hurt me.
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